Dear Francine Rivers

My father quoted the first lines of the book Red Rising: “I would have lived in peace. But my enemies brought me war.” In that moment, I should have understood how he viewed me—as an enemy—not as someone who had come in peace to visit family. I am trying to recall the exact moment he said this line to really capture the essence of how this event this past weekend started. My brother and I were discussing books—my brother recommended this book. My brother had explained it was about how different groups were caste into colors in society and how the reds were slaves to the golds who were seen as more intelligent. The reds were sent off to the desert to see who would survive. The MC is a red who is especially vindictive. The books are about the red rising.

I suppose I should not be writing this, having heard him share that with me, but I do not let fear dictate my actions. He is really into those books. That is the reason I picked up the book—to try to gain some perspective. I also especially love science fiction and fantasy. I recommended Not A Lot of Reasons to Sing But Enough to him and pondered if it was a reflection on Minneapolis as a prison colony. I think having read The Message that I should have understood the warning in my mom's words when she told me the story about this author whose son had died in prison because they refused to give him his medicine.

For me, I could only understand it from my point of view where transgender patients are being denied hormones in prisons. Hormones are essential care. They are necessary for the body to function. For many people like me who have received procedures in which they no longer really produce hormones, we actually need to be provided with hormones in order to function. Without hormones, the body can start failing, resulting in organ failure, and even death.

This concept came home suddenly when I arrived at home from my abruptly cut short trip up North and my medication—my hormones that are essential for me to live—were no longer in my dufflebag. While it is possible that they were actually simply left behind in the bathroom where I last applied them, it is also probable that when I responded a way my parents did not like that they actually removed them because they do not agree that I need them because they do not understand science and believe a certain way about transsexuals and women. As far as women go, they believe that women are meant to be smaller and weaker and have babies, even if their bodies are not born that way naturally. As far as transsexuals go, they believe they are women and do not understand that testosterone can actually be used as either hormone depending on the dosage and that it has many health-related benefits in hormone replacement therapy for menopause as well. Some people simply do not like its side effects of a lower voice and growing facial and body hair if they are not men.

Additionally, testosterone has been used in the treatment of cancer. With all the benefits the possible research that is coming from the studies of medications and procedures being performed on transgender patients if consenting when having, I really am surprised by the maltreatment of us.

It is also probable that my parents removed it in order to coerce another meeting with my dad or brother who are not respecting my humanity by withholding medicine that is necessary for me to live. As a regulated substance, it cannot be mailed, and it is very hard to get another prescription. When I called the nurses’ hotline and informed them about what was happening, they told me to report it as “lost or stolen medication” to the police, though they understood the seriousness and my feelings that it was attempted murder if it was taken and withheld not left.

My mother did end up meeting me, after much persuasion about its seriousness, and returned my medication, though we met near the prison in St. Cloud. It was a little as if either one of us was coming or going from prison like our recommended books. I hope she understands why I see her as the hero of your story, for fighting to bring us our hormones in prison.