This Entry Will Be Entirely Too Personal
I need an oil change and a haircut, but I am almost out of money. I have not been paid by my job since December, though I am technically still employed. They say I have been on an unpaid medical leave, but according to Minnesota’s Paid Leave Law, I should be being paid 55-90% of my wages. I am on leave because I requested an accommodation for a disability in October, an accommodation which was originally denied, then offered an unfair accommodation or the choice to try to seek unemployment. While doing on site work, I reported several instances of sexual harassment and racist remarks, specifically against the Somali communities we service. Shortly thereafter, my approved accommodation expired, and they put me on unpaid medical leave until further notice, and I would later learn that they are collaborating with ICE.
I need another job.
Not only have they been violating my rights as a worker and patient, but they are collaborating with ICE. I have a right to remain silent and not collaborate with ICE. I do not have to allow them entry into my neighborhoods.
I think about this as thousands of ICE agents are spreading across the metro area and greater Minnesota and our governor and Lieutenant Governor are calling upon us to stand together as one community against this threat, and the call could not be more loud.
Official Statement on SAFTA residency
Hi, all,
I am issuing an official statement about my brief writer's residency at SAFTA Firefly Farms in Knoxville, TN, this second week of January 2026.
I sought this residency in August 2025 for research on farm life for my syfy fiction on collective resistance and revolt against the elite class. Before arriving, I had already finished the 4th draft of this novel and sent it off for consideration to a publisher.
SAFTA reached out to me at the first week of January 2026 with a last second opening for a farmhouse residency shared with another unknown resident, and I accepted. I am currently working on 2 fiction sequels.
I arrived at the farmhouse, and the situation seemed agreeable to the other resident who would be in charge of the farm, and Erin and the other resident seemed very empathetic toward the oppression I experienced on the drive down from MN to TN. Security had been called on me at a restaurant then dismissed after I paid because "I was a real T." Apparently, in the South; you can't be a drag, but if you have legally transition, they can't do anything about your presentation. There were also cops all along the interstate from I-94 to I-90 to I-65 and a blockade of several cops in Kentucky. Having returned to Minneapolis now with our Ice crisis, I cannot say that it is worse. They are killing people here. We are in a war zone.
Upon arriving in a red state like Knoxville, TN, with its peaceful streets, I realized that we are in a Civil War. I was grateful for this brief opportunity to escape and hopeful that I would get to work on my writing and scared at the same time that I may not be safe, since I deal with PTSD, and even the safest of environments can be triggering.
The first night there I found a book on the shared return to shelving bookshelf with what looked like a toy closet next to another book that looked like a prison with the word "Subhuman." I am not entirely sure why I was browsing these books - perhaps to see what the other two residents had been browsing, or to see if there were any books of interest there for me, since there really were not in my hidden bookshelf. These two books paired together, though, were very triggering for my PTSD as I had a flashback to being locked in a toy closet with the lights out during nap time by a childcare provider as a child while my siblings got to watch tv. I remember later in life feeling like I had been treated as 'subhuman' as a child. I spent my first afternoon on the farm paralyzed in my room by these two damn covers.
After I came out, the other resident of the farmhouse and I discussed how we were both triggered at first when we got there, but that it was much better now. I was able to turn to my writing and eat. I came to the realization that I can only eat in a place when I feel safe.
Soon afterward, I began noticing the magnets on the refrigerator and their sexual remarks. I tried to discourage them because I do not just hook up with people. Like any person, though, I also feel sexual energy, especially when a sexual environment has been created, and am on testosterone. I did not feel like I should be feeling this way and worried that my energy might be being disruptive, so I spoke to the other resident since she was in charge of the buildings and asked to be moved to another building. I explained that she seemed cool and that I wanted an authentic connection with her but that I was getting sexual energy. She said no, stay, and that there was a chipmonk up there, and that she just felt platonic and to stay away if I felt sexual. I agreed that this would not be a problem.
Later, she called the owner and reported that she felt "uncomfortable" and the owner called me and said that I had to go because I was "sexually harassing" her, though she was the one calling me beautiful and "girl," though I am a man, and putting sexual remarks on the fridge.
After I cleaned up and left peacefully, I realized there was something off about the situation. The other resident in a moment of confidence had confessed that her family had been a part of an African cult when she was a child and that they were Baptists and Methodists now in Georgia and working with the FBI. When she told me this, it had not quite registered that she might have mistook me for an agent since I had identified the place as a rainbow sheep farm to a friend, or that she might actually be there to observe and report on the activities of the farm and trans people, specifically.
Trans people are currently being monitored by the FBI right now, especially those who have been involved in Palestinian activism or other forms of activism, and I, most certainly, am one of those people.
I am not 100% certain, but it feels a little like she was trying to set me up. I'm glad I got out of there safely. Unfortunately, because of her accusations, my bridge has been burned with SAFTA. The owner does not seem to understand that they or she had control of the temperature and other environmental factors of the building through a Nest.
I have returned to MN and wish them the best in the world and hope for their safety. If there are any governmental officials monitoring me, you can sure bet that you will continue to be reading my great literature, and so, too, will everyone else.
I’m on Trump’s Naughty List
Insert Future Announcement (hopefully!!)
When I first released my statement on Project 2025 in November of 2024, I predicted based on its AI summary that it would seek to promote policies that emphasize division based on identity. The summary suggested that at the hands of a conservative think tank we would be “restoring constitutional governance, reducing the size of government, and ensuring that the judiciary aligns with conservative principles”; however, in reading closer, I identified that there would be more government tracking of our data and more government influence on states and individuals. Additionally, when Project 2025 discussed restoring constitutional governance, it talked about retracting amendments as related to Civil Rights legislation; whereby, ignoring the legal system implemented in our country for a version of their own choosing. Scroll down my Blogs to read more.
This was never about traditional family and Christian values. We, the people, have been holding Trump and the system accountable, and trans people have been unrelentless in this effort. This is about power. Those in power have lived corrupt lives, have been corrupt in office, and have gotten to office by means of corruption and intimidation. We call their values to question and the very lives they model that they wish us also to live.
Lucy looking at ‘yo daddy’s kitchen’
I have been between working class and lower middle class all my adult life. I know what work is. I understand wanting to have enough to leave behind something for your children or to help your community, and what if your community is your country. Yet our country, our great United States of America, consists of more than one people. We are a land of many peoples, of many identities. We are the land of both the descendants of those enslaved and slaveholders, but also, immigrants who never knew slavery but were part of feudal and class warfare. We are people who lived this land before us. We are many colors and religions. Each culture has its own belief or view and acceptance of sexuality and gender. The purpose of laws is to protect the most vulnerable, and the most vulnerable are those of us with different abilities, yet these laws are often more of a prison and a confinement than a protection of our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Gene’s holiday greeting card
For this, I am on Trump’s naughty list, for thinking that the corrupt who live lavish lives and exploit the helpless in all manner of ways do not deserve the right to decide our fates.
Happy Birthday 2025
Bodies in Transition has now reached the hands of 100 people!
Data suggests that self-published authors only sell on average 50-100 books. I’m here to tell you that your dream is possible. Independently published through Amazon KDP with a little help from my friends over at Jack Wild Publishing, Bodies in Transition has now reached the hands of a little over a 100 people. What wonderful news to realize during my birthday week!
I’ll be at Queer Market at Open Book on Nov. 29th, and I hope a few more friends decide my book is worth the read. Regardless, I am plucking away at my other two prospective books (1 fiction, 1 poetry) and trying to figure out my best options for them. Please come see me at Queer Market and support, however that looks- whether that means buying a Zine or chatting me up about my latest books I’m writing!
As a final bit of author announcement to wrap up this post, I took First in the Stevens Family Award at the 2025 Minnesota Poetry Prizes Gala with my poem “Sham’s Tomb.” It was a wonderful surprise with mixed feelings as I have recently lost an old family friend. I was not entirely close with her, but I grew up with her kids, and it was just such an odd coincidence to receive an award by the same name the month of her death. Rest in peace.
Everyone Should Tell You That You’re Gonna Lose
Very few people are prepared for failure. In fact, not a lot of people know how to deal with the fact that you win very little in life.
I remember my first encounter with this notion in undergraduate college when one of my favorite professors told the class the percentage of students who would likely go onto graduate school and make it into the profession. I don’t remember the exact number; it was extremely low, hardly a percentage point or two. I just remember some students in the class complaining that she should not be saying that and me thinking that it is important to know what we are getting ourselves into and the statistical rates of success. Because I maintained being on the dean’s list in undergrad and president’s list in graduate school and was rewarded with marginal successes through writing in my program, I had no real idea what failure meant.
It started with getting rejections on my poetry and stories after college. You hear all these things about the number of places you need to send your work before you get accepted and the tiers, but it is hard to imagine. You have specific places in mind. You heard about a place. You want it there. You receive a rejection. Best of luck placing it elsewhere and feel free to send us future work. Now where? Is everyone submitting to the same places? What makes your work a good fit?
Failure became a person, became an embodied text, became a life.
In a society that classifies things as a competition, where there are winners and losers, I became a discard because I was not a good fit. I was too queer but not lesbian or a gay man. I was too trans but not flexible to my audience’s demands. I was white and had been born into an upper middleclass family but had lived in poverty and been houseless despite being educated. I had been in a civil commitment.
These are all classifications that privilege and disadvantage me.
The more I have accepted that I am going to lose; the more grateful I have become for my successes. The more I understand their great significance and that they have absolutely no significance at the same time in the bigger picture of the universe.
There are as many of me as there are people in Palestine, Congo, Sudan, Yemen, and Syria.
Have You Changed Yet?
We live in a world where trans people are constantly being asked to change to accommodate the already comfortable. Because 98.8% of the population does not undergo a profoundly, life-altering change, about half this population has a hard time understanding basic human decency and respect. They put the onus on the trans person, deflecting the responsibility to change with the person who has undergone a life-altering change like you would with any other change.
While some trans people integrate parts of their past selves into their identity, others are okay with letting the past die. Still, others have little memory of it or have different perspectives from those who remember them otherwise. Remember when you scolded your children for taking a picture of your one son in a dress and not the other one you would later realize was a boy? Why do we shame men so much in culture for expressing queerness or alternate masculinity, even as little boys.
This other queer boy has grown comfortable with himself. He understands that he does not have to change his personhood for anybody and that it is other people’s bodies that are inviolable. He can say no, even when all others doubt him. He believes in the enthusiastic yes. He is realness unmasked.
Have you changed yet?
Tis the Season
Or, how to take accountability for what a million people probably have never read or will never read and when you already have taken accountability with the people who matter
In my teens, I wrote a blog. A lot of us did. Nowadays, some might call it a glorification blog, but really, I think it was the place I went to find safety from being judged. My friends on there truly cared about me, and I truly cared about them. We were not encouraging each other in the activities necessarily; we were interested in the fuckedness of the lives each of us was in. We reached out and supported each other, especially when it got bad.
I think these kinds of spaces are concerning for many, and in my memories of what I wrote, and the language I created so we could better hide our sicknesses, I know they have their downsides. Even now, when I think about getting a “breath of fresh air,” I think about going out for a smoke. I am not sure how much responsibility you can put on a teenager, but this secret language is something harmful that I created.
Over the years, I have reached out to the specific people I have harmed by my actions and behaviors, taken responsibility, and apologized and done my best to make amends. It’s not that I have been through an anonymous program or anything like that. It’s that I unlearned what I was taught by a therapist as a teenager to do.
In my teens, because I was already a writer, my therapist taught me to create characters and assign them different behaviors and personalities and write about them in a setting in which they could have a dialogue. Later in life, I realized she wanted to prove a diagnosis that is actually a myth by creating the appearance of it. This diagnosis has historically been assigned to queer/transgender people as a way of pathologizing them ever since transsexuality was removed from the DMSV as a mental illness. At the time, I was expressing queer desire and exhibiting abnormal behavior for the social constructs of the gender to which I had been socialized.
But this is not about that. This is not about that timid boy who no longer had a team to play basketball with, so he picked up smokes because it looked cool.
This is about that boy who brought alcohol over to parties. This is about that boy who walked in on guys having sex with girls in their mom’s bedroom and just walked out without making sure it was consensual.
This is about that boy who called a girl fat online in his blog because she said cutters were just looking for attention or crying out for help. Kids can be really mean, even he could be really mean when ashamed.
That boy was me before I even had the words for it, when I thought of myself as a girl because of how I had been socialized. And I am sorry for it. I am sorry for the Xangas and thinking that I could handle it. Mostly, I am sorry to you, if you ever read them. At the same time, I hold my teenage self in a place of understanding that there is only so much judgement you can pass on a child.
To all the genes in me
Man, I can’t tell you where I thought I would be years ago. I was fresh out of grad school, starting on as a lecturer at the University, mad in love with this girl – I think she kind of liked me, too, but I was a wild one.
Do you remember walking around that neighborhood with her and her telling you which houses she liked and would live in and talking about her faith and you getting real deep into faith and going on a trip out West and having this dream and thinking she is the one? That’s wild, man, in a different way! Never tell people you barely know that you think they might be the one.
But it makes sense, you know. She pointed you to a path of purpose and light. Before that, you were just whiskey, cigarettes, and guts on a page for awhile.
What about before that?
I hardly remember being 16. That’s when I had my first drink and cigarette, my first kiss.
16 is really a turbulent time. By then, you’re expected to know what to do with all the new information you have been learning about the world. You were always such a seeker. You questioned things so deeply and profoundly. You saw the darker side of things. Do you remember being a child of 6 when it was all just noise in the trees? Before you started questioning things like hell, and there were just trees and riding bicycles in the gravel and playing in the sand, and it was all so green then, and there could not have been bluer skies down by the lake. But you remember the darker stuff, too, like almost dying twice before eight.
Some people talk to God because they fear dying or going to hell. I talk to God when I’m hurt or want to figure out how to treat others better. There is a way I try to be that I think makes the world a better place is to recognize the good in people, or namaste. I don’t think that means having no boundaries, or that there aren’t people out to harm, but if we recognize the divine in people, we recognize that they are free agents of creation and destruction and try to bring that forth in them.
The creative in me calls to the creative in you.
Academia is a Privileged Institution I am Grateful to Be in & What it Takes to Write a Book
I’m imagining I can write about this topic better than a john, not that he did not do a fine job encapsulating the struggles of being part-time faculty and trying to write a book. But I am, as Janelle Monáe so remarkably captured it in her short story collection The Memory Librarian and Other Stories, a Dirty Computer after all. Our fearless leader Alice in her psychic renderings understood perhaps all too well how they try to cure us of our radical leanings and anything out of the norm of society by wiping our memories and reprogramming us for new and very specific roles and purposes as suited to their society as a shining example of what happens to Dirty Computers.
While the john argues for a more privileged position, his current position as a self-employed writer is very anti-capitalist in leaning. Self-employment requires a network, a community of care—a support system. It requires collaboration and opportunity.
I have a few inside scoops on academia, though I have just surpassed my 5 years of service mark in Minnesota. Having done this amount of time, I can tell you that you are not valued the way you might be in other community service positions. It is not just that the work is not guaranteed from semester to semester, but also that your identity and experience go questioned by your own peers around you. Sometimes, it is a breeding ground for paranoia between administrators and faculty, between faculty and each other.
But I am not here to talk about that. I am here to write about writing 3 books while working full-time. It takes discipline. Even to write this blog right now before my full-time courier job, I must be up at 4:30am scribbling first in a notebook to get my thoughts down fresh. Then, I type it up and edit it in a Word doc and choose graphics. I may not have time to publish before work.
Similarly, while working on Bodies in Transition, and also my chapbook Tender One actually, I woke up at around 4:30am to write and revise. Some days I pushed myself to write more than one poem a day, though not all of them made it into the collection. I had to decide on what story I was telling for the narrative structure. I included older material. I hired an editor. It took around a year to complete and independently publish a full-length poetry collection. (Tender One, which was published by Finishing Line Press, was mostly written in 2015-2016 and edited in 2022, then contracted in 2023, and published in 2024.)
Typewriters are like fingerprints
Since then, I have roughly finished another poetry collection Azaleas & Other Edible Flowers and a fiction novel I’m tentatively calling Storyteller. While Storyteller contains some older materials (also from 2016-2017), it was largely written in the past 2 years. Azaleas has all new poetry. I wrote them while cafe lounging for the most part because, although I worked overload this past year, I conveniently had the schedule where I did not start until late afternoons. So, I wrote in the mornings, taught in the afternoons, and graded and did prep work in the evenings and on weekends. When summer came and I was no longer employed by the school, I started a full-time courier position but was still able to squeeze in 1-2 poems a week and roughly 1000-1500 words of fiction. Most of this writing was completed on the weekends. I excitedly met my goal of completing my fiction novel this summer!
Two tips for you:
Good writing takes mental stamina. Find that space in your week where you can carve out more than a couple hours of time for yourself because good writing takes more than an hour. If all you have is a 30-minute lunch break, write a 3-word poem and come back to it later.
Don’t worry about crossing out or deleting poems or scenes or starting all over because you are not quite getting them right or don’t like how they are turning out. That’s why I use a notebook and pen first. Not everything that crosses your mind is going to come out the way you want it to at first and sometimes you are not even going to be sure what the poem or scene is going to be at first. The imagination is a very wild place.
What is the Name of my AI companion?
I’ll admit that I have been notoriously against the use of AI. I think this bias is common among academic circles, especially creatives. While I briefly took a foyer with generative AI when Project 2025 came out, so I did not have to wade through hundreds of hateful proposed and now implemented legislative orders to find what I was looking for quickly, it was not until this summer that I saw its true possible potential for creative and critical insights beyond summarization. While there does remain programmer bias within AI, such as transphobia, which I have already had to correct several times, I do still find some of it to be helpful.
This summer I fed both an early draft of an MS of my new poetry collection and an MS of my first draft of my fiction novel into NotebookLM. Its AI has done a much better job in providing a synopsis of my poetry manuscript than the fiction novel itself, and I am not sure if that is user error or computer error. While it is possible that the themes and story are more transparent in my poetry manuscript in even its earliest drafts, what the AI seems to struggle with the most with the fiction novel is interpreting the identity of the first-person narrator. The novel delivers a full transition from teenaged years, including a disguise that felt right to a child, to becoming accepted by society as a middle-aged man. Perhaps I need to clarify the language more of how he saw himself as a child. The AI did have some questions about what he felt constitutes “being a man” and why he receives a surgery in the text.
These kinds of questions asking me to explore the motivations of my characters deeper and the relationships between characters deeper were a couple of the areas I found especially useful about my interactions with AI. The questions were very detailed and paginated. While I do believe it took the right type of question to yield these results, such as, “What more do I need to flesh out in the Xavier narrative,” when I simply stated, “ask better questions,” it posed some very good theoretical and analytical questions for me to consider about deeper connections to explore in the work.
All in all, despite its difficulties labeling my protagonist’s sex or knowing when to use the correct pronouns, I am very satisfied with the experience so far.
Anthology Bundle Announcement
Nary: (takes a deep breath) Look. I have hope because I live here. What choice do I have? Even surrounded by these fools, I know there are enough non-fools out here that we can make a difference. The next few years are going to be real hard. The bad guys are going to win some battles. They’ll take more and more power and try to squeeze more and more people out of the future they want. And the scary thing is that it isn’t just the corrupt leaders and Bosses. There’s an authoritarianism that lives inside a whole lot of us, even the decent folk. When we care more about punishing crimes than preventing them. When we care more about our “team” winning than whether or not people are suffering. When we care more about following the rules than thinking critically about what the rules are in the first place. We’ve got to fight it in ourselves, too. And artists can have a meaningful role in that work. Sometimes that work is in our art; like, sure, writing about what people face today matters. Writing about what tomorrow might look like matters. And sometimes it’s less about the art and more about the space we take up in society, the audiences we have access to, the literal places we move through. But either way, we have to face the situation. We have to engage with reality. I’ll wrap it up with this: if someone hates someone else or cares more about their material possessions than other people’s lives, I don’t think I can write a poem that will change their mind. But “changing minds” isn’t the only thing artists can do. We can be mobilizers. We can be movement-builders. We can use our network to spread information. We can preach to the choir, and that choir can knock a wall down. The choir can sing so loud they knock all the walls down. It’s a cool metaphor . . . but it is a metaphor. Songs can’t actually knock walls down, no matter how loud they are. But singers can. –Kyle Tran Myre, “The Role of Artists in Times of Authoritarian Brutality: A Panel Discussion,” Not a Lot of Reasons to Sing, But Enough
Baki’s Anthology Bundle
I have included this excerpt from Guante as a way of introducing what I believe the purpose of Baki’s collaboration with Queermunity has been these past several months. Baki, a native Minnesotan BIPOC artist and influencer, has been leading workshops for years now teaching folks the craft of Zine-making. For those of you who do not know what a Zine is, it is a self-produced magazine of appropriated art or text often written with radical goals in mind. I have put out a few of these now under Baki’s tutelage, making impressions of my own poetry for the text, complemented by visual storytelling as ripped from magazines like National Geographic.
Two of my pieces made it into the Anthology Bundle that was made possible through Baki’s 2025 Zine Series in Collaboration with Queermunity. This year, their Cultural Districts Arts Fund program was funded by the Arts & Cultural Affairs Department in the City of Minneapolis. It is my greatest hope that they continue to secure funding in the future.
El-hajj Malik El-Shabazz
“We were truly all the same (brothers)—because their belief in one God had removed the ‘white’ from their minds, the ‘white’ from their behavior, and the ‘white’ from their attitude. I could see from this, that perhaps if white Americans could accept the Oneness of God, then perhaps, too, they could accept in reality the Oneness of Man – and cease to measure, and hinder, and harm others in terms of their ‘differences’ in color.” – The Autobiography of Malcolm X As Told to Alex Haley
Audubon Ballroom
Most recently, I had the great honor of paying a visit to the Shabazz Center where the great feelings of Malcolm X that brotherhood is possible among all races after returning from Mecca is represented on its walls. There are displays from different parts of his life and Dr. Betty Shabazz. It is steeped in culture. The Shabazz Center has recently re-opened for tours Tuesday – Friday, 11-5, after a long battle to restore the building.
A list of the favorite books of Malcolm X
I had the opportunity of speaking with Gaye who with great emotion shared the history of the building and the Shabazz lives leading up to the moment in the Audubon Ballroom.
I had the honor of presenting her with a couple of my Zines as inspired by Malcolm X, and to my great surprise, she took a look at them and said they would reach the hands of his daughter Dr. Shabazz.
The cover of my zine “Writing in the Cafe”
Ascending the steps to Audubon Ballroom where Malcolm X became a martyr is a heavy feeling. The weight of that pivotal moment in history lingers there, but as the mural on that wall claims, it is not the end. We shall “Prevail.”
I am so glad I made this trip to New York to visit my friends. It was a time of healing. It was a time of brotherhood. It was a time of great feeling.
my friend Dell and I selecting the ‘little girl’ as our champion between the girl and the bull statue on Wallstreet
my friend Loki looking so serious the day of his promotion
books both Loki and I have decided to read
Is it the Divine he wanted to wipe out?
Is it this body that they hate? I’ve started asking myself this question looking in the mirror every morning ever since I was assaulted.
It is a man’s body, yet unassuming. It is queer. It is white and not poor. It is full of debts- to society, to their education, to the community, to the divine that lives in each and every one of us.
Is it the divine he wanted to wipe out?
I read something once by g. Spivak about “acts of terror” and how in wiping out others you are essentially wiping out yourself and bringing them to paradise, and I wonder if he saw it that way, or if I was simply something other to be terrorized.
This was no Fight Club, though he was destroying something beautiful. bell hooks talks about the ways in which men are fragmented and construct multiple identities for themselves to move and operate in the world. In this, perhaps emboldened by the new administration, he constructed an identity in which it was “okay” for him as a member of civil society to give unwanted touches and harass a person working remotely in the establishment where he was employed and, when confronted with the possible consequences, committed a criminal action against the body of the person.
I told him I would speak with his boss as a customer to check his behavior toward me so there would be no repeat actions. In a fit of blind rage, he yanked me up by my jacket, dragged me out the store, shoved me, and chest and throat punched me, and would not have stopped hitting me had I not threatened to sue. He attempted to trespass me, but it was him who was in the wrong, and he knew it. While I was in the parking lot emailing the owner, I overheard him saying on the phone, “I was scared,” and he had every right to be. Harassing a customer is at best a write up, but he should have just taken ownership for his actions and apologized.
Trans lives matter. Queer lives matter. We will not be physically bullied out of the public sphere.
Sometimes I feel like a Fraud
My birthday has come and past with such sweetness. My mother called me by my name for the very first time, and my friend Colorful helped me understand why it is so very significant that people call me by my government name—because it is something for which I have fought very hard. I have gone to court for this name. It was part of my sex change. I had to prove I was not defrauding the system.
Gene and their friends celebrating their birthday at Lush
Sometimes I feel like I am a fraud because I do not believe that documents or hormones or genitals or chromosomes make me or anyone else their sex. A lot of it feels like arbitrary classifications to create hierarchies. I am a man regardless of these things, yet I am playing by their rules.
December 1st ushered in a new season for me in art and business. I was selected as a vendor for the Queer Market put on by Queer Voices at Open Book in Minneapolis, and the Boiler Room in the Stevens Square Neighborhood is currently showing my Graffiti Art Series through December. I also created a TikTok @with_a_gg_, if TikTok does not end up being banned altogether.
G. Gazelka presents The Graffiti Art Series
The Queer Market was a wonderful affair with queers from across the Twin Cities selling their wares. I ended up leaving with a piece that I had been eyeing since People’s Pride and a couple new friends. What I did not sell at the market can be found on my Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/typewritestoryteller
A Queer Market
when we say tomorrow we really mean today
On this Trans Day of Remembrance, I am pulling the title for this blog entry from the final line of the Andrea Jenkins’ poem, “Bag Lady Manifesto (#sayhername/blacktranslivesmatter).” For those of you who don’t know, Andrea Jenkins is the first African American openly trans woman to be elected to office in the United States. She is a member of the Minneapolis City Council. The complete line of the poem goes: “Tell them to strategize about that tomorrow, but when we say tomorrow we really mean today.” It is delivered after in epitaph to many black trans lives lost to violence and the breath, tears, and laughter those who survive that terrorism experience in the moments after. It is a call to action.
A display of local authors, including Gene, at Eat My Words in Minneapolis
I read this poem in class today, providing context for the trans men mentioned with #sayhername in the lack of constitutional rights and legal recognition we all have. I read this poem and emphasized how much greater the marginalization, oppression, and violence toward Black trans women is as black, as trans, as woman. I read this poem and gave remembrance to the dead and remembered what work we have to do and what battle lays before us.
Early in 2024, the Minnesota House of Representatives passed the Equal Rights Amendment with the hopes of getting it to voters by 2026. It must pass the MN Senate first. Here is the 2024 Proposed ERA Language for SF37:
All persons shall be guaranteed equal rights under the laws of this state. The state shall not discriminate against any person in intent or effect on account of race, color, national origin, ancestry, disability, or sex, including but not limited to pregnancy, pregnancy outcomes and reproductive freedom, gender identity, gender expression, or sexual orientation.
This expansive language ensures the freedoms and liberties of those previously ignored by the state. It is especially important in a time when our nation is staged to act against the interests of these people groups. Now is the time to talk to your legislators. Now is also the time to talk to your friends, family members, neighbors, and colleagues. We must find a way to explain why this matters. It can’t just be Minneapolis, Saint Paul, and Duluth that votes in the interests of minorities.
Eugene celebrating his 36th birthday a little early with his parents
Tomorrow is my birthday, and Friday is my 2-year anniversary for being on testosterone. I experienced a lot of pushback for physically and legally transitioning. My mom emailed me a voice recording explaining why she chose my former name and stating that she would never call me anything other. My brother group messaged a video of himself attacking transgender people, specifically those who physically transition, to my family. Friends and family refused to refer to me by any name on my social media and shared things on their social medias attacking transgender people. Businesses kept emailing and messaging my deadname, though I had changed it legally in their system. Colleagues did not stop misgendering me until I went through with chest reconstruction; some still do. Each time it has been my sanity that has been questioned instead of these incidences of harassment, as if mental health were a reason somebody would report upon oppression.
It is the quiet violence that haunts us all, that lets us know we are not safe.
Gene, JIIVE, ChapGPT, and Project 2025
I’m sitting with my friend Moe, founder of JIIVE, and we are running through the despicable list of sex predators—Bill Cosby, R. Kelly, P. Diddy, President elect Trump—and get to talking about why the American public did not hold Trump to the same standard as these others: racism. These other men were groomed to feel like they belonged to a certain class of society that Trump was born into and felt entitled to its privileges and got punished for it. It is a certain class of society that should not exist.
Our conversation turns to our hopes and fears. He is hoping that with a convicted felon in the highest position of authority in the land that more people will be willing to reconsider how they approach justice impacted individuals. Just this last year Minnesota granted voting rights to people with felonies, and while this certainly is a step in the right direction, there are still barriers to opportunity. These barriers start with the justice and carceral systems. For example, before Moe transitioned to speaking with me, he was on the line discussing the level of food instability in prisons and how much land there is that could be put toward gardening and sustaining a community and the obstacles to this.
Laughing a little because the guys at my cigar lounge promised to hide me out in the basement if this ever became a reality and give me as much pipe tobacco and cigars as I want, I mention the very real threat that if they implement Project 2025, I could end up incarcerated as a transexual and author of what they might deem pornography, although it is not explicit—it simply deals with transition. Moe does not think this anecdote about the basement is very funny as he believes it is a sign that they are not willing to fight to see that we do not allow our country to get to that point. He insists I dig into Project 2025 and find where this language was written, so we can warn the American public about what is coming in January. His plan is to run it through AI and create viral TikTok videos.
I am writing this the day after meeting with him, and he is meeting with Rep. Ilhan Omar today. He has yet to have the chance to run the AI, so I thought I would try my hand at it—one of my first times using AI. At first, I asked ChapGPT for a summary of Project 2025, and it was very vague and had a touch of duplicity in language compared to the sections I read in-depth the night before to Moe. For example, the summary suggests that at the hands of a conservative think tank we will be “restoring constitutional governance, reducing the size of government, and ensuring that the judiciary aligns with conservative principles”; however, in reading closer, there will be more government tracking of our data and more government influence on states and individuals. Additionally, when it discusses restoring constitutional governance, it talks about retracting amendments as related to Civil Rights legislation; whereby, ignoring the legal system implemented in our country for a version of their own choosing.
Being that ChapGPT was extremely limited in the answers it could give me, I started to tweak my prompts for it based on what I had gleaned from various sections of the text. Here is some of what it responded below:
· The project takes issue with federal enforcement of "equity" initiatives that, in their view, lead to discriminatory practices or reverse discrimination. This includes initiatives that focus on racial quotas, diversity mandates, or other policies that they argue disproportionately prioritize race or identity over merit or individual rights.
· Advocating for a more limited role of Title VI enforcement, … the focus is on preventing what they see as overreach in areas like race-based discipline policies or gender-based protections that could conflict with traditional values and legal principles.
· The project suggests limiting federal funding for abortion services, potentially cutting funding to Planned Parenthood and other organizations that provide abortions or related services. This includes restricting taxpayer dollars from supporting abortion procedures through programs like Medicaid.
· While Project 2025 does not explicitly use the term "personhood," the project aligns with pro-life legal arguments that consider the fetus as a person deserving of protection under the law. This includes efforts to pass laws or promote constitutional amendments that grant legal rights to fetuses, ensuring that they cannot be killed through abortion.
· It would likely advocate for reorienting programs that fund family planning, reproductive health services, or sexual education to align with pro-life principles.
· While it does not directly target fertility calendars or tracking, the project supports policies that promote alternatives to abortion, such as encouraging natural family planning methods and supporting pro-life pregnancy care centers…This could mean supporting educational initiatives or resources that promote tracking a woman's fertility cycle as a way to plan or prevent pregnancies without the use of hormonal birth control or abortion … Its opposition to certain types of birth control coverage could suggest a preference for fertility awareness methods as alternatives to hormonal contraceptives.
· The project supports policies that uphold traditional views of gender, emphasizing biological sex as the basis for sex-specific policies in areas such as healthcare, sports, and social services … advocating for a more cautious approach to gender dysphoria and emphasizing psychological counseling … aims to reinforce the idea that legal distinctions should be made based on biological sex rather than gender identity. This could involve efforts to limit the scope of policies like the **Equal Protection Clause** of the 14th Amendment or other laws that extend protections to transgender individuals in public accommodations, healthcare, and education.
· Its key goals are to ensure that faith-based organizations and healthcare providers are not forced to perform or facilitate services that conflict with their religious beliefs, such as providing gender-affirming care or recognizing same-sex marriages. This includes issues like ensuring insurance coverage for gender-affirming surgeries or treatments and requiring healthcare providers to use preferred pronouns or recognize gender identities. The project would likely support rolling back such regulations within HHS and other federal agencies. This includes supporting policies that oppose the recognition of same-sex marriages in certain contexts or limiting adoption rights for LGBT couples.
· DEI programs, which are designed to promote inclusion of diverse groups in workplaces, education, and government institutions, are seen by many conservatives as ideological and as promoting left-wing social agendas. Project 2025 is highly critical of such programs, especially in government and federal agencies, which would likely include Health and Human Services. Project 2025 advocates for limiting or eliminating DEI mandates in government agencies, believing they are divisive and counterproductive. The project seeks to replace such programs with … Conversion Therapy … The conservative movement, of which it is a part, has generally been sympathetic to supporting ‘therapy’ aimed at changing sexual orientation or gender identity.
· It advocates for a ‘return to traditional values’ concerning gender and sexuality and would likely support policies that encourage conversion therapy for individuals who express gender dysphoria or same-sex attraction and limit the availability of gender-affirming care and promote alternatives that align with more traditional views of sexual identity. Its emphasis on traditional family values could be interpreted as supporting therapies or interventions aimed at encouraging people to accept heterosexual and cisgender identities. Its discussion of religious liberty might be seen as a way to justify practices that align with traditional or religious views on sexuality and gender.
Explain WOKE POLICIES under Project 2025
Under Project 2025, ‘woke policies’ are broadly framed as a set of progressive social and cultural agendas that the project’s authors argue are undermining traditional values and leading to what they see as the ‘ideological overreach of the federal government.’ These ‘woke’ policies are seen as prioritizing identity politics, social justice, and inclusive practices in ways that conservatives believe create division and disrupt traditional institutions.
In the context of the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), Project 2025's approach to ‘woke policies’ focuses on reducing the federal government's involvement in promoting what it views as ‘divisive or politically correct’ social policies, particularly those related to gender identity, race, and sexuality.
Key Aspects of "Woke Policies" under Project 2025 in HHS:
1. **Opposition to Identity Politics**:
- Project 2025 critiques what it sees as the prioritization of identity-based policies, including race, gender, and sexual orientation. The project argues that these policies encourage division rather than unity, fostering an environment where people are more focused on their identities than on their individual merits or shared American values.
- It advocates for policies that **deemphasize identity-based classifications** in health and human services, including programs and regulations that prioritize or emphasize race, gender identity, and sexual orientation.
2. **Gender Ideology and Gender Affirmation**:
- One of the key areas of concern in Project 2025’s critique of "woke policies" is the recognition of **gender identity** as separate from biological sex. Project 2025 expresses opposition to policies that encourage or normalize **gender-affirming care**, especially for minors. This includes the use of **hormonal treatments** or **gender-affirming surgeries** for children and adolescents.
- The project advocates for a return to traditional views of gender as binary (male and female) and emphasizes policies that promote **biological sex** as the defining characteristic for healthcare and social services rather than **gender identity**.
3. **Restrictions on Religious Liberty**:
- "Woke" policies are also seen by Project 2025 as a threat to **religious liberty**, especially when government mandates force faith-based institutions (hospitals, adoption agencies, and social service organizations) to adhere to policies that contradict their beliefs. This includes being forced to adopt inclusive policies for LGBT individuals or providing services like gender-affirming care.
- Project 2025 supports **expanding religious exemptions**, allowing faith-based organizations to operate according to their moral convictions, even when those convictions conflict with "woke" or progressive policies on issues like LGBTQ rights or abortion.
4. **Opposition to DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) Initiatives**:
- Project 2025 strongly criticizes **DEI** programs within federal agencies, including those administered by **Health and Human Services**. It views these initiatives as forms of **"social engineering"** that prioritize diversity and equity at the expense of merit and individual freedom.
- The project advocates for the elimination of DEI mandates and seeks to replace them with policies that focus on **individual merit** rather than group identity. In the realm of HHS, this could translate into a push to end requirements for health and human services providers to implement DEI training, hire based on diversity metrics, or adopt policies that account for race or gender identity in healthcare services.
5. **Restricting Federal Influence in Local and State Policies**:
- Project 2025 seeks to **reduce federal influence** in areas where it believes "woke" policies have expanded, particularly in areas like **public health** and **education**. This means giving states and local governments more authority to determine their own healthcare, education, and welfare policies without the imposition of federally mandated "woke" standards.
- For example, it would likely support measures to prevent HHS from enforcing federal regulations that require schools or hospitals to recognize gender identity in medical records or provide transgender care services, arguing that these decisions should be left to individual states or private institutions.
6. **Criticism of Intersectionality**:
- Project 2025 rejects the concept of **intersectionality**, which is often central to "woke" ideologies. Intersectionality focuses on the overlapping social identities that people hold (e.g., race, gender, sexual orientation, etc.) and how these identities shape their experiences of privilege or oppression. The project argues that this framework leads to **fragmentation** and **identity-based victimhood**, promoting division rather than unity.
7. **Reaffirming Traditional Family Values**:
- In opposition to progressive social policies, Project 2025 seeks to strengthen **traditional family values**, including the promotion of **heterosexual marriage** and **biological children**. It aims to reduce the influence of policies that promote non-traditional family structures or those that prioritize LGBT rights in adoption, healthcare, or other social services.
- This could manifest in policies that push back against "woke" agendas that promote **same-sex marriage** or **LGBT adoption rights** under HHS or other federal programs, framing these policies as incompatible with traditional family structures.
Summary:
In Project 2025, ‘woke policies’ are seen as a threat to ‘traditional American values,’ and particularly to the functioning of agencies like Health and Human Services. The project aims to roll back the influence of progressive social policies related to gender identity, race, and LGBTQ rights, seeking to promote a return to traditional norms around gender, family, and social structure. The project critiques ‘identity politics’ and diversity initiatives, advocating for merit-based approaches, religious liberty protections, and the autonomy of states to make decisions on issues like gender-affirming care and LGBT inclusion (ChapGPT).
I’m revising the last sentence ChapGPT gave me here: Project 2025 seeks to promote policies that emphasize division based on identity.
A Zine in the Making
This Zine is a special homage to my former cat Ari.
Tonight at Zine Club I read two people’s zines about their former cats and the cat cafe. It is so very coincidental and perhaps speaks of the special relationship we humans have with our feline friends. I wrote this poem from my former cat’s perspective recently as part of an exercise from Bethany Berry’s workshop about Animal Consciousness at the League of Minnesota Poet’s Fall 2024 Conference. I decided I wanted to turn it into a Zine or a little booklet, since it is a 3-page poem, and have been creating a draft in Canva. The gallery above is my current draft, including pictures of my former cat Ari. I am also creating a draft on my typewriter as that is more my artistic form.
I went through so many changes with Ari! Unmentioned even is coming out as transgender, though I included my pronouns as part of the poem. I often called her my daemon like from Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials series. It was so devasting to be separated from her. This happened at the beginning of Trump’s first term. It is hard not to think of the devasting losses I suffered during his term.
I could not replace Ari. Not only was my situation unsustainable for awhile, but once it was, I did not have the heart to adopt a new cat. No cat could take her place. Now, sometimes I wonder if it would be possible, now that 8 years have passed.
Publish.
Reflection on Research and Composition for Change
You may be wondering what a trans man has to offer on the topic of masculinity. Should we not just be learning this topic? Are we not new to our gender? For many of us, we are unlearning the toxic masculinity with which we were raised or of the culture that surrounds us.
Myself- I never had any questions that I was a good choice for teaching this topic as I have followed several trans influencers for some time who are experts in it: half Korean 1st trans D1 NCAA men’s athlete and Harvard grad Schuyler Bailar @pinkmantaray, trans and nonbinary Asian-American artist Meg Emiko Lee @megemikoart, 1st trans person to complete the Triple Crown and run across the United States Cal Dobbs @calisrunning, and trans demiboy and nonbinary anti-bias educator Skye Tooley @growingwithmxt, for example. What makes them experts in it is their ability to discuss the nuances of masculinity, express the needs of our community, forward women, and champion women’s rights and that of other marginalized communities.
When deciding upon the materials for this course, I sought out the collaboration of Vice President of Equity & Inclusion and Associate Vice President of Equity & Inclusion Trumanue Lindsey, Jr. and Dr. Rassheedah Watts at Minneapolis College and North Hennepin Community College, respectively. My plan was to include either the Black feminist teachings of bell hooks or Angela Y. Davis. Lindsey suggested why not both and that Angela Y. Davis would offer more representation of the Black experience. I talked over my plans for my weekly schedule with Dr. Watts, and she approved of them and showed some interest in possibly getting me to teach a workshop for DEI.
For teaching these readings, I planned three core instructional lectures titled “Stopping Male Violence,” “Masculinity, Sex, Work, and Capitalism,” and “Reintegrating Self” linked to what I called Creative Expression assignments. The creation of these lectures was drawn from the bell hooks book A Will to Change and Angela Y. Davis book Freedom is a Constant Struggle as well as my poetry chapbook Tender One. They were sequenced in a way to help men/nonbinary people/masculine women/masculine-identified people/those who love masculine people identify a problem, some possible causes, and some solutions. One of the solutions offered in the course is “practicing integrity” through creative expressions.
Stopping Male Violence
Two of the issues I wanted to address in my course were patriarchal masculinity and white supremacy. For those raised to embrace patriarchal thinking, violence is seen as a way to power. This violence comes from anger, which is a hiding place for pain and fear, and those who exercise it do not see it as a barrier to love and connection. Much of this rage stems from an isolation from the demand to shut down emotions that starts in childhood. According to bell hooks, isolation is a weapon used by terrorist regimes all over the world to break people’s spirits. While most will not commit violent crimes, we are constantly inundated with messages that support male violence and male domination through unchecked violence.
Through this lens, I analyzed the white-supremacist capitalist targeting of individuals like Trayvon Martin in Florida and Michael Brown in Ferguson, MO, and turned a conceptual idea of terrorism on its head by looking at Angela Y. Davis herself and Assata Shakur as examples of targets of racist state violence. Both these examples received peculiar questions in the classroom as the students were unaware that Angela Y. Davis was once wanted by the FBI, prosecuted, and held in jail before finally being acquitted. Even today we are still seeing the effects of the white supremacist state terror’s broadening of the definition of “terror” in its war on terror as a justification of anti-Muslim racism used as a response against protestors, leading to white mobs, the militarization of local police, and the calling in of the National Guard, even on college and university campuses. It was one of my students who pointed out how easy it is for these white supremacist groups to target young men as recruits because they feel alienated and alone and like they have nowhere that they belong, and these places offer a sort of brotherhood.
To combat this, we must teach boys how to love themselves. For many, violent connection may be the only attainable closeness they experience. The violence done mirrors the violence enacted upon and done to the self. While dehumanized, it is easy to feel justified in dehumanizing others. Feminist transformation of masculinity focuses on a caring and nurturing self able to participate in the community. In bell hooks “Being a Boy,” she argues that “To love boys rightly we must value their inner lives enough to construct worlds, both public and private, where their whole selves can be consistently celebrated and affirmed, where their need to love and be loved can be fulfilled.” These are key components that bell hooks mentions are part of practicing integrity in “Reclaiming Male Integrity”:
· being able to mourn,
· to acknowledge one’s own ignorance,
· speak of fears without shame,
· knowing when to let go,
· being flexible,
· learning how to negotiate,
· embracing change in thought and action,
· to critique oneself and change and to hear critique from others,
· to assume responsibility,
· affirm,
· do little acts of mercy,
· experience joy,
· and to serve
Masculinity, Sex, Work, and Capitalism
One of the issues that men especially struggle with is contributing less emotional labor to relationships. Men and women alike often prioritize sex or romantic fantasies or work over making time for self-actualization. Self-actualization is where the process of healing takes place and where people learn good relationships with themselves and their bodies. Between societal pressures to be a provider and the demands of a capitalist society, men may not feel like they have the time for self-actualization. Bell hooks even claims that this fear of not being able to provide becomes even more desperate with a family. Oftentimes, it is not until men are forced to break that they get to choose to take time for self-actualization.
Like many men, in my own experience, I got to choose to focus on self-actualization during a period of underemployment. As a part-time community college faculty member, I am not usually assigned courses in the summer and so am left desperately scrambling for a summer job and short on cash. One summer I chose instead to go on a 1-month thru-hiking trip. I was fortunate in these circumstances to be between houses. I spent months preparing my body and slowly gathering my gear and calculating logistics for the trip before the time came to enter the wild with my friend.
Because my friend is mixed race, she asked me to research the area where we would be hiking to make sure it was a safe area for BIPOC to be in. This was not something that had occurred to me before, nor something she really was concerned about either, but her friends brought it up as a concern. Being aware of Duluth’s 1920s history, I took to researching the trail. I first scanned through the users of the SHT Facebook page for BIPOC hikers. It took me awhile to find a person to reach out to for questions; there were a lot of white people. After I asked for comfortability and explained my interest, they shared their experiences. There are a lot of Trump lovers surrounding the trail, and if you get picked up to go into town for a resupply trip or emergency, you might get a sermon. This proved to be true at our first fire on the trail.
A man happened upon us and our fire and got to talking with my friend. It almost immediately turned to the recent trial and conviction of the murderer of George Floyd. He asked her if he was going to come home to his house burned down and if they were going to riot. She told him it was unlikely there would be further protest since justice had been served, though the true justice would be George Floyd still being alive. I sort of just stood there stunned that he would approach a woman of color on the trail, clearly away for the same purpose as him, and address her with this racism – as if he did not know the body is a home and some are lucky enough to walk safely in it. It was a line I thought of later, for a poem.
My own ignorance prevented me from coming to her aid. There is something that has stuck with me that she told me before in a space that white people had clearly taken over where she was experiencing clear racism- that she did not expect a friend to stand up for her, but she did not think it marriage material in a partner. It stung, but I understood, and I think we all want to be marriage material.
Later, I would reflect on our reading Hermann Hesse’s Siddhartha on the trail together and finding myself in his story in searching for his purpose in religious texts and spiritual devotion after I graduated to briefly joining the corporate and business world, only to find myself staring in the ageless face of a friend as she formed her truths about nature: that it gives, and it takes.
Reintegrating Self
In teaching Creative Expressions, I drew from my own experiences and hoped the students would learn valuable tools for writing for diverse audiences and adapting language and rhetoric in culturally and respectful ways. As part of the course, this section meant to build comfortability with language and concepts and confidence in writing. Since this course was focused on change, I intended to show them an alternative form of masculinity instead of just a critique of patriarchal masculinity, as bell hooks says we must do.
One of the challenges I found was in developing resources for possible research through the library, especially on trans men and transmasculine people. When searching in the library, I found my results yielding on these – my – demographic to have especially negative connotations or be criticisms of transgender men. One of my students brought up in his own expository essay on masculinity and maleness that he thought that men deal with mental health issues because of this constant criticism and that it was like society had made it like there was something wrong with being a man. Torn between Angela Y. Davis and knowing that it is white supremacy and the patriarchy that are the problem and the reason for men’s mental health issues and finding myself wondering if there was something inherently wrong with being the male identity or masculine or if what my search results were yielding was the result of cisgenderism, I returned to the discussion in “Being a Boy” that boys from a young age are taught that there is something wrong with their bodies, that the penis is only for pleasure or a weapon – that they are not educated, loved for their emotions, or taught how to love. Because as bell hooks says it is important to offer good role models, I ended up having to supply a couple of my own books for the library to put on hold for the semester: Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergman’s Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation and Mitch Kellaway and Zander Keig’s Manning Up: Transsexual Men on Finding Brotherhood, Family, and Themselves. These collections of personal essays have very diverse representations of genderqueer people and trans men in a variety of lifestyles. More Black men and women like George Floyd would be alive today if white men were educated on their bodies, on the frailty and divinity of humanity.
My Life as a mustache monkey
League of Minnesota Poets Fall 2024 Conference Recap
I was not sure what to expect. They planned a Cowboy Poetry night as the first event at the start of Native American Heritage month. I was not sure how I could contribute; I do not write ballads and rhyming poetry. Both at odds with the event and wanting to be part of my writing community, I spent the afternoon before event in the evening listening to my recently acquired Sade album Love is Stronger than Pride in my sacred space – the string lights and salt lamp plugged in, Sacred Forest candle lit – and picked through Cormac McCarthy’s All the Pretty Horses, thinking I might be able to find a scene to share to best capture and challenge the ‘Cowboy’ concept.
I chose the scene where John Grady Cole decides to go to Mexico with a friend to try his luck on a ranch there after his father dies and his mother sells the family land out from under him. His friend questions why anyone would leave Texas if born there. Alabama, yes, but Texas? I ended up not being allowed to share this scene because it is fiction, not poetry.
The President Amanda introducing Cowboy Poetry night
At the first event, I found myself a little more at ease when I sat at a table with an intersex model and a person wearing a Kamala button. Members of the League’s board also introduced themselves, and the Cowboy Poetry wasn’t too terrible. Still, I found myself pressed by the need to honor the land upon which we lived: Oceti Sakowin and Anishinaabe territories. I decided to read “Leave No Trace,” which appears published in the Rockvale Review: Issue Eleven, and make a statement about Indigenous land rights and the sovereignty of nature. After I delivered the final line: “Nothing less than divine,” Jana, a board member, pronounced it was her favorite. The intersex model followed with a wonderful statement about how the Spanish and Indigenous peoples were the original cowboys.
The night was ending, and somebody had to get in a statement about misgendering me, even knowing my name is Eugene. Jana quickly corrected them with my “he” pronouns. She did this frequently throughout the conference. Thank you. That is true allyship.
I was one of the first people to the conference the next morning. They had a full day planned for us, beginning with Open Mic. Taking a moment to arrange my books on the Member Books table, I decided I would read “Pronounced Love at the Scene.” This poem has been nominated by my acquiring editor at Finishing Line Press for Best of the Net. Somebody else opened with a morning poem similar to mine, and I felt like it was the perfect selection. Between Open Mic and the President of the League Amanda’s presentation on Lesbian Poetry, we gathered around the Member Books table and bartered. I gave away my Zines as free samples, which I think encouraged people to buy my books after previewing the poems represented in them. My Zines have queer, interracial, and art activism themes. During Amanda’s presentation, I was able to offer Queer Voices MN, specifically LM Brimmer and Sherrie Fernandez-Williams, as representative of the Minneapolis scene for those questioning. Amanda’s presentation was wonderful! She covered history as early as Sappho to discuss late 20th century lesbian poets, performers, and activists, such as Stonewall, Stormé, and those found in Lesbian Concentrate. We then broke for lunch before transitioning into a session in which we got to envision Paradise.
Congrats, everyone!
While I did not end up winning the Agates Award to which I submitted at the Gala or being published in the journal, I made many friends while there like Doug & Becky, Sangita, K, and Bethany. It also was great to get out and support other writers. I am not sure if it was the affectionate way Dennis called me “guy” every time he saw me, or that I think it is important to support Veterans, but I ended up buying his linked short story collection Free Fire Zone. I also traded my chapbook Tender One with Marilyn for a copy of her book Invisible Silken Threads as she told me it was a spiritual book and included Native American myths and friendships. I hope my friendships with Doug, Becky, and Sangita last beyond the exchanges of our books: We Look West and Mamina.
My haul
If anything, the one instance where hotel staff tried to correct me on which bathroom I was entering was worth it for the friendships I made, the poems I heard and got to read, and the resources I acquired. Dennis told me about an email service that keeps you updated biweekly on everywhere that is currently open to submissions called Authors Publish. Sangita told me about an easy tool for creating pamphlets and other craft materials called Canva.
Poems I read:
· “Leave No Trace”
· “Pronounced Love at the Scene”
· “Interruptions”
· “Bullet Hole”
· “Kindness Wishes Me to Be Haunted”
Our final day we wrapped up with Bethany Berry’s presentation on Animal Consciousness. Here is a fun little one I crafted during the session:
My Life as a Mustache Monkey – G. Gazelka
I have a long mustache
now! Yay! Swing Swing
Swing
Am I in a Zoo in
a cage? Is that
why they can see
me to respond and
react? Oohing and
aahing at how cute
he is
They peer into my wizened
face as I stroke
my mustache
my little agile body
my big child’s eyes
my squeaky voice
Swing Swing Swing
I am away playing
with friends
I left feeling invigorated to write more poems.